I guess more clarity is needed.

After some thought I have to admit that I was wrong to have reacted that way, I was too harsh. Next time I will just be more apathetic regarding worrying or caring. I'm sure I would get more flak if something bad actually happened and I did nothing to prevent it. But that is life. No matter what, you will get flak from every direction regarding any action you take.

Though there are some things that I do not understand. I was asked how can I could drop over 5 years so easily down the drain? Well it's not easy, but at time, it seems the right choice even when it's not. So I could be wrong. Surely I was pissed to no end with worries, awake, hoping nothing bad had happened. And that excuse about "I'm a big girl" or "I had my cell phone with me." just would not stick in this situation. Sure you gonna beat them up with your "OFF" cell phone? I was told how bad of a friend I was, how I push back people I love, how I'm a fake, I put a facade and that is why I have a fucked up family relationship. Maybe she is right, but if I'm that horrible of a person, it wouldn't be a "loss" really, for her. Why should she be sticking around? Wouldn't it be better just to "drop" me? So I guess that was her way to hurt me back. And hurt it did.

My point is that I really got worried and second time in a row that night. I never had to actually sit down, and rest for about 30 mins for my heart to get back to normal. I almost left the club that night because a for a moment thought she got kicked out. Then got worried again at the end. This time I was REALLY worried. But I guess it was wrong to get pissed for worrying. I guess I was wrong to actually care. I guess once you are an adult, you should just stop caring for others, as they know what they are doing, even though they don't know what they are getting into. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't get that worried, maybe just a bit, but well.

My other friend got me worried to, but at least it was not an immediate possibility of physical danger, though got me worried nonetheless. And seriously I really don't know what to do to help him out. He knows what is wrong, and after many talks, it's up to him to make the choices.

I am sorry if my weekend wasn't as spectacular as you guys had. It had it's moments, but it was a lot of worries for me.

Yes, even Andrea got me worried there.

I appreciate all the things you guys have done for me this weekend, but that doesn't mean I will not have feelings or worry about people I "love".

Behave kids.

PS: Get a 10X emotional amplifier and let a friend do something stupid, I'm sure you would understand what I went through, some day.

These are the only pictures I remember taking this weekend.


Dana and Alan.

Misha and Dana.