My view.

So my brother found my blog again, it was of course just a matter of time, but he is getting faster at finding. I knew if he really "tried" he would find it, because quite simply, as he stated, all he has to do was to click my comments on other blogs and would have a link right back at me. I could make it so he can't find it, but it would be too restrictive on me. All I have to do is disable public ping, and comment as anonymous. Though, like I said, I just thought he wouldn't catch up this fast.

I find it funny when you say I make up stuff to blame things on you and parents. At one point I did blame you guys, but not anymore, because I just don't care anymore what they think, and quite frankly what you think as well. That is how distant you guys are to me, to actually matter, making stuff up to victimize myself. My friends knows me better than you, they are with me when things happens, when I'm happy. You on the other hand is not with me, or know what I'm doing, except for what I write on the blog. I mean do we even talk? Hardly. Maybe a chit chat there when we are having a cig. Do we ever talk about anything meaningful? No. That just to show how distant we are.

What I do outside the house is is pretty much catalogued here, and in the memory of my friends, however not on yours, because you are not an active participant in my life. Sure we do share apartment, but I guess we can agree that any bond we have ends there pretty much. What I write here is not news to anyone, except maybe to Steve, Ellie and Dana as they are so far away, but not to Misha, Karthik and Alan as they are active participants of my life. Like I said we are distant, however sad it may seem. We grew up apart since our schools in Brazil. We even went to different schools, never socialized with same circle of friends, except for a couple of exceptions. I don't blame you for anything these days, except the the occasional frustration of your sermons when I get back home from partying. If you want to call that victimizing myself, by all means keep thinking that way. But I sure do not wanna hear it. I'm not saying you are wrong, but no one likes to hear sermons, probably not even you. I moved and moved the blog to prevent this, and you could pretty much know why, as you clearly done with the comment you posted, a sermon about my shortcomings. Which I'm trying to avoid. I discussed with my friends at lenght about my shortcomings, and I actually got blamed for blaming others. Since then they all thought I should patch things up, and although I realize that, that doesn't mean I want, nor I'm ready. I rather live in this status quo where I don't think about you guys nor you guys think about me, and I thought I had achieved that for a while, I guess I'm wrong.

Your guess about what I'm thinking or doing, is not even hypothetical, as it is not even an educated guess. My friends, would probably guess better. I'm not saying you are devoid of any knowledge about me, but I'm trying to illustrate our distance and your dimished importance in my life.

Bottom line, you are so distant to me, that something I came to realization last year, is only news to you now, while it was news to my friends back them, the moment it happened.

Why I move my blog so much? Maybe because of comments of sermons like the one you did? You could be right, but I don't want to hear. Plus I hate the feeling of "Big Brother" on my blog from someone I feel so negatively about.

I think they key words here are distance, and apathy.