A response to Dana.

I come back from gym and I notice my Gmail Notifier blinking with new e-mails. I'm quite surprised that Dana actually backtracked all the previous posts and replied to each one of them. I might add that there were a LOT of stuff to read since last time she read.

Dana the censoring was done by me, mostly because Sodo thought it was not good idea to post something so personal on a public blog. Basically it's something regarding my past "sins". Something that affected me a lot, but with time I was able to "forget". However the dream made me remember about it, and has been tormenting me for a couple of days. I'm quite relieved that I didn't have the dream again yesterday, but the memory is still quite fresh in my mind...

You said,
"I think that you feel guilty for not loving someone. It is wierd that you feel you won't commit to a long relationship unless someone threatens you with doing themselves bodily harm. I think the second one is trying to tell you taht maybe searching for hot girls isn't going to satisfy you. You can only enter a long term relationship with a friend that you care a lot about."

That actually made a lot of sense. I guess I do feel guilty for not loving someone. I mean how many times have I said I've turned into this superficial asshole? Lately all I've been caring about is hot looking girls, make out and possible lay. However there is no "love" in this.
I think somewhere deep in my mind, long term relationships scares me, mainly because of the "incident/sin" of the past.
I think you are right on the second dreams as well. The dream in a sense shows me flirting and making out with hot girl, but it turned into a joke of me "levitating/flying". Maybe it's trying to tell me that this is not what I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong, I love to go out and chase girls, its fun, but fun doesn't necessarily equates to love. And maybe I'm lacking that. I've been somewhat yearning for something more stable lately and secretely. But like I said, my past "incident/sin" maybe triggers something that totally shuns any interest on long term relationship. Maybe I should just deal with my past "incident/sin" than just try to forget it. It kind of rips me apart.

Behave kids.

PS: Dana, Armin van Buuren will be coming to DC on April 2.