Dreams continued, clarification about the AZN(asian) hatin' , and ***censored***

Not that I dreamt again, but the first dream is still freaking me out. I'm not trying to "understand" what it means, but the distress it caused me, is well, horrific.

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Or maybe my mother insistance about dating korean girls is breaking into my mind. Like if I go out with a blonde(in this case) or brunette, my baby will die. Yeah something sick and whack like that.

Like I said I don't want to understand, but my mind keeps trying to reason with it, put labels on what it might mean.

Regarding me being an AZN(asian) hater, I'm not. I don't hang out much with asian people because I grew up in a non asian environment with non asians. Most of the typical asians, I just can't identify myself with. You can tell me all you want, "but you are asian!", because it won't make a difference. Why? Because I am not what I look, the color of my skin, my height or physical other atributes. I am what I am inside. If I was raised among asians, then yes, I might be a more of typical asian, but I wasn't raised in that environement, so don't expect me to act like a typical asian when I don't even know fully how typical asians act. Yes I know the stereotypes of typical asians because I'm told about them, because physically I look asian, most people don't know at first that I'm the non-typical asian.

Regarding asian girls. Usually I don't find them much attractive, because like I said before I grew up among caucasians, so I got "used" to the caucasian look. But good looking girls are good looking regardless of race. This basically mean their face have some facial/physical feature that is liked by guys regardless of race. For example, pretty girls have very symetrical faces. What I mean is, if there are a line up with average looking girls from all races, probably I would pick up the girl that is more familiar to me, the caucasian. Also I don't like some of it's culture clashes. Like they expect me to act like asian to them, and because, well, we are both asian, but I don't, so there are annoyances from both sides. Like my mind is saying, "what the fuck she wants?" and she is probably,"what the fuck he is doing?" Sure if the asian girl is well travelled, and absorbed many other cultures that would distinguish her from the typical asian, then yes I might find interesting. Doesn't mean I hate them, I just don't find too attracted, that's all. Remember, that girl from the past was asian. It happens, just not likely.

I mentioned many entries ago some stuff about some of the asian stereotypes I hate. It's not I hate the asian person themselves, but its the stereotype they perpetuate. The stereotype that I lashed out is about those got no confidence asian guys along the wall of a club. The stereotype is called "The asian mafia.". No wonder non asians find that spooky. Jesus move along, mingle and have fun. You are in a club for crying out loud. Go hit some girls, get hammered, do funky dances with your friend, I don't know, just enjoy. But no, they are there, and if the "group" has a female, and the female has an interest in you AND makes a move on you, that whole group of guys will move in and cockblock you or even threathen you. So, it not that I hate AZN(asian) people, I hate those type of stereotypes, and those people that self perpetuates any of the bad stereotypes.

Behave kids.